Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

I am starting a small investment firm "Guaranteed Investment Strategies"

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    I am starting a small investment firm "Guaranteed Investment Strategies"

    Attached is a copy of the contract I am offering.

    I offer a massively superior rate of return on your investment of $1000 or more, and a 10% bonus on all investments of $10,000 or more (after a 60 days trial period). In addition, for every year that the contract stays in force the face value of your policy will increase 10%. I pay a 5% Guaranteed Life Income payment every MONTH for the rest of your life or for the rest of my life. If I die first you will be refunded the full face value of your policy in addition to whatever payments you have already received. If you die first, your beneficiary receives 24 more payments at the full rate, then the face value of the policy decreases by 50% and the beneficiary continues receiving Guaranteed Life Income for the remainder of their life. I can't pay the 100% rate for 2 consecutive lifetimes because I can't guarantee my estate can pay that rate indefinitely if I die first, so that's why the beneficiary face value must decrease 2 years after owner death. Your beneficiary has the option of withdrawing the full face value up to 23 months after original owner death.

    Mutual Funds an Annuities cannot compete with these rates of returns. We have developed a scientific system of investing which is 95% to 100% reliable, recently scoring 20 consecutive net gains on trades. Because of this investment management technique, we are able to guarantee our clients a sizable rate of return on both a monthly basis and a yearly basis.

    If you are interested in this contract, I can mail you 2 copies of the real version of the contract. We only accept Money Order or Paper Check investments for the purpose of paper work. I would prefer you pay the $36 processing fee on your investment, but it isn't honestly required.

    Make check or money order payable to "Wade Daniel Smith" and put "Guaranteed Investment Strategies" in the notes.

    If you are interested in this conditional partnership, email me at "wadedanielsmith@gmail.com" or more preferably call or text me your physical mailing address at 985-981-0383 (country code 1 for U.S.A.) don't forget to mention, "Guaranteed Investment Strategies" in the call, text, or email title.

    Thanks, and have a Blessed Holiday Season.
    Attached Files
    Last edited by Wade; November 13th, 2019, 08:27 AM.

    #2
    Man I would but Idk if you take investments from Satanists

    Comment


      #3
      Yeahhhh--I'm gonna not leave my investments in the hands of a guy who sends all his money to internet scammers pretending to be horny Asians.



      Comment


        #4
        Also---lol. I reviewed your "contract."

        (1) Thats not a contract for provision of financial services

        (2) Be prepared to get sued out the ass for consumer fraud if someone is actually dumb enough to sign one of those things. Gives you their money. Then takes the signed memorandum to an attorney and says you represented it as a contract for provision of financial services + took their money pursuant thereto.
        Last edited by Post-Crisis Shob; November 13th, 2019, 03:05 PM.

        Comment


          #5
          ROFL LMAO LMAO LMAO



          "Closing an Account or withdrawing funds:

          If you decide that you want to withdraw money ahead of time, or close an account, just call me and text me on the phone. After verifying your information, I'll immediately send you a check for the full value of the account, plus the 10% bonus if the 60 days trial period has elapsed; This will be done within 3 to 7 business days; allow a few more days for the mail to arrive. There is a $36 processing fee to withdraw from the account, unless you are moving increments greater than $10,000.

          We reserve the right to close your account if it becomes necessary. However, if this happens, you will be notified in writing and you will recieve the 10% bonus on the face value of the account as agreed, provided you are already past the 60 days trial period. In addition, if we need to close your account because of our own reasons, we will waive processing fees. You will have lost nothing.

          Change of Terms

          If we need to change the terms of this agreement for any reason, you will be notified in writing, and we will always change the terms in YOUR favor, not our own.

          Death and Disabilty of Company Owner


          If I die or become disabled and unable to perform my duties as company President while this account is in force, I will have instructions to my estate on how to pay the company obligations to the investors, and you will get the 10% bonuses if you have been past the 60 days trial period. In such a situation, all processing fees will be waived, and after you have been refunded the full face value of the account, with the 10% bonus to those qualiifying, this contract will be considered resolves and terminated."

          ------------

          I'm passing this around an office full of contract attorneys, and they're in tears right now

          Thank you. I needed to laugh today.


          Last edited by Post-Crisis Shob; November 13th, 2019, 10:02 AM.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by Post-Crisis Shob View Post
            ROFL LMAO LMAO LMAO



            "Closing an Account or withdrawing funds:

            If you decide that you want to withdraw money ahead of time, or close an account, just call me and text me on the phone. After verifying your information, I'll immediately send you a check for the full value of the account, plus the 10% bonus if the 60 days trial period has elapsed; This will be done within 3 to 7 business days; allow a few more days for the mail to arrive. There is a $36 processing fee to withdraw from the account, unless you are moving increments greater than $10,000.

            We reserve the right to close your account if it becomes necessary. However, if this happens, you will be notified in writing and you will recieve the 10% bonus on the face value of the account as agreed, provided you are already past the 60 days trial period. In addition, if we need to close your account because of our own reasons, we will waive processing fees. You will have lost nothing.

            Change of Terms

            If we need to change the terms of this agreement for any reason, you will be notified in writing, and we will always change the terms in YOUR favor, not our own.

            Death and Disabilty of Company Owner


            If I die or become disabled and unable to perform my duties as company President while this account is in force, I will have instructions to my estate on how to pay the company obligations to the investors, and you will get the 10% bonuses if you have been past the 60 days trial period. In such a situation, all processing fees will be waived, and after you have been refunded the full face value of the account, with the 10% bonus to those qualiifying, this contract will be considered resolves and terminated."

            ------------

            I'm passing this around an office full of contract attorneys, and they're in tears right now

            Thank you. I needed to laugh today.

            Holy shit dude, savage

            Comment


              #7
              how in the fuck did I subscribe to this thread
              Originally posted by Kajin_Style
              I have this illness called "Having-a-Heart" and gives me this irrational sense of empathy and care for my fellow man.

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by Post-Crisis Shob View Post
                ROFL LMAO LMAO LMAO



                "Closing an Account or withdrawing funds:

                If you decide that you want to withdraw money ahead of time, or close an account, just call me and text me on the phone. After verifying your information, I'll immediately send you a check for the full value of the account, plus the 10% bonus if the 60 days trial period has elapsed; This will be done within 3 to 7 business days; allow a few more days for the mail to arrive. There is a $36 processing fee to withdraw from the account, unless you are moving increments greater than $10,000.

                We reserve the right to close your account if it becomes necessary. However, if this happens, you will be notified in writing and you will recieve the 10% bonus on the face value of the account as agreed, provided you are already past the 60 days trial period. In addition, if we need to close your account because of our own reasons, we will waive processing fees. You will have lost nothing.

                Change of Terms

                If we need to change the terms of this agreement for any reason, you will be notified in writing, and we will always change the terms in YOUR favor, not our own.

                Death and Disabilty of Company Owner


                If I die or become disabled and unable to perform my duties as company President while this account is in force, I will have instructions to my estate on how to pay the company obligations to the investors, and you will get the 10% bonuses if you have been past the 60 days trial period. In such a situation, all processing fees will be waived, and after you have been refunded the full face value of the account, with the 10% bonus to those qualiifying, this contract will be considered resolves and terminated."

                ------------

                I'm passing this around an office full of contract attorneys, and they're in tears right now

                Thank you. I needed to laugh today.

                Damn. You stone cold murderer.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Post-Crisis Shob View Post
                  Yeahhhh--I'm gonna not leave my investments in the hands of a guy who sends all his money to internet scammers pretending to be horny Asians.


                  lol. "Snow" has made me a sizeable profit already in the Foreign Exchange Market. She's now my part-time analyst via her full-time analyst team. I made a 69% profit on a single trade a few days ago. My money is growing exponentially since I met her. she said if I started with $1000 she could make me filthy rich, I didn't believe her at first, but I watched her trades on the practice app, then I invested whatever money I did have in a real account, and I've already begun growing exponentially.

                  I'm offering a 70% annual rate of return, 10% as compounding simple interest and 60% as a flat payout. You cannot beat that rate with a mutual fund or annuity.

                  I am sure you have wasted thousands and thousands of dollars on MTG cards, so imagine if you invested a $1000 or more in my business. You would get a life income of $50 per thousand per month, and a compounding interest of 10% per year. If for any reason you need to close the account, no problem, notify me in writing and you'll receive a full refund within 5 to 7 business days, needs a little processing to move the funds around.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Wade View Post
                    I'm offering a 70% annual rate of return, 10% as compounding simple interest and 60% as a flat payout. You cannot beat that rate with a mutual fund or annuity..
                    The only way I would consider giving you money an ‘investment’ would be if you threw in a choice-of-law Clause saying that in the event you fail to perform as promised, you consent to being sued in The State of New Jersey for the full value of the promised performance and treble damages thereupon.
                    Last edited by Post-Crisis Shob; November 14th, 2019, 07:15 AM.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Kk, Wade obviously had his organs harvested, then his account hijacked by a sentient Chinese spambot.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by Lord L'Zoril View Post
                        Kk, Wade obviously had his organs harvested, then his account hijacked by a sentient Chinese spambot.
                        His hunt for Asian beauties ended like this. Tragic.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          why the fuck am I still subscribed to this thread
                          Originally posted by Kajin_Style
                          I have this illness called "Having-a-Heart" and gives me this irrational sense of empathy and care for my fellow man.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by Pocket Rocket View Post
                            why the fuck am I still subscribed to this thread
                            You're subscribed to the entire Off-Topic section, mate. This is in Off-Topic.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Originally posted by Cid View Post

                              You're subscribed to the entire Off-Topic section, mate. This is in Off-Topic.
                              oh I must have hit it last time I posted a thread
                              Originally posted by Kajin_Style
                              I have this illness called "Having-a-Heart" and gives me this irrational sense of empathy and care for my fellow man.

                              Comment


                                #16
                                Yo, sign me the hell up

                                Comment


                                • Cid
                                  Cid commented
                                  Editing a comment
                                  Oh no!

                                #17
                                Originally posted by Post-Crisis Shob View Post
                                The only way I would consider giving you money an ‘investment’ would be if you threw in a choice-of-law Clause saying that in the event you fail to perform as promised, you consent to being sued in The State of New Jersey for the full value of the promised performance and treble damages thereupon.
                                I actually state in the contract that any changes to the agreement will always be designed to favor the INVESTOR. If for any reason I cannot meet my obligation, you would receive a 110% refund of the investment on top of whatever payouts you will have already received at that time, even if that means I take an unrecoverable loss.

                                Comment


                                  #18
                                  Originally posted by Thar View Post
                                  Yo, sign me the hell up

                                  Text me your full legal name, phone number, and mailing address, and I'll mail you two copies of the contract, already signed and dated by me. Attach your check or money order for $1036 (or more) and mail it back to me, my contact information is on the contract. The $36 is to cover certain expenses for creating the account, including a $35 fee my bank charges me to help set up the account.

                                  the contract goes into force when funds are deposited in my trade account, which can be 3 or 4 business days after it clears my bank, but has happened the very next day one time already too. You will be notified in writing and in a phone call when the contract goes into force.

                                  Thank you for your interest in this investment opportunity.

                                  Wade Daniel Smith

                                  Guaranteed Investment Strategies.
                                  Last edited by OrganizationXV; November 15th, 2019, 12:50 PM.

                                  Comment


                                    #19
                                    So... How big of a cut am I getting for letting you advertise on my site dude?

                                    I don't really require much, maybe 5% of your profits?

                                    Comment


                                      #20
                                      Originally posted by Wade View Post


                                      Text me your full legal name, phone number, and mailing address, and I'll mail you two copies of the contract, already signed and dated by me. Attach your check or money order for $1036 (or more) and mail it back to me, my contact information is on the contract. The $36 is to cover certain expenses for creating the account, including a $35 fee my bank charges me to help set up the account.

                                      the contract goes into force when funds are deposited in my trade account, which can be 3 or 4 business days after it clears my bank, but has happened the very next day one time already too. You will be notified in writing and in a phone call when the contract goes into force.

                                      Thank you for your interest in this investment opportunity.

                                      Wade Daniel Smith

                                      Guaranteed Investment Strategies.
                                      I'm gonna do you a favor and cut your phone number from this post. PM him the number so you don't get harassed.
                                      Originally posted by Wade
                                      Everything is hidden in plain sight, like in Men in Black. We've all just been neuralized to think it is "normal".

                                      Comment

                                      Working...
                                      X